Expectations, heartbreak, the highs, the lows, humbling experiences, most importantly….lessons learnt. As the year draws near to the end, these words describe my entire year so far. Its been a while since my last post…haha its been forever. I have a few good reasons and a few poor excuses.
Poor excuses first; laziness. First lesson learnt this year. Just with university alone, I’ve learnt that laziness is very counter-productive (thank you captain obvious). The type of laziness I’m talking about is associated with the behaviour of procrastination. You could almost synonymously replace laziness with procrastination in my case. Although such lesson is useful when studying for a piece of paper that you receive after four years, it does not compare to the light bulb moment when applied to the scope of eternity.
I can see for the first time my weaknesses and limitations as a human being.
I’ll be the first to admit that I went about the wrong way with everything laid out in the bible. I had the blinders on, even when I had made the conscious decision to follow Jesus Christ. You may be asking how this relates to laziness/procrastination? The truth is, I put off doing the most important requirements that you will ever do before you ever enter into eternity.
“Requirements? You mean to tell me there are requirements to have ones name written in the Lambs book of life? There’s a formula?”
That would have been my response to someone telling me that we had to “work” and “follow” a “procedure” for salvation. A response of utter disbelief. The answer to the querying…..Yes and no.
See I learnt a valuable lesson today, a lesson that can be instantly applied within learning it. Only for the willing. So, before I spill the beans I can assure you that my lack of posting since the beginning of this year wasn’t entirely due to laziness. I made a note to myself that before I blurted out my experiences in life, on the interweb full of gullible people who can take your word for it, I had to be sure that what I shared wasn’t based on feelings or assumptions but on solid truth. It’s bad enough that one can deceive oneself, deceiving hundreds is another thing. So please excuse me of my lack of presence on this blog over the course of this year.
The turning moments in the year
Moving on to this lesson that made me break the silence on this blog…I was browsing the internet in search of good reads on the best traits that a man can have and I stumbled onto a blog called Fearless men written by a few regulars and guests. What stuck with me was the light bulb moment that one of the regular writers created in one of their posts. And this is where it hit me. For over a year, I had not done this simple yet powerful requirement before the God of the universe could move to being the center of my universe.
Before a person can go from a wretched sinner to one having the desired and heart for God like David, the only thing needed is to let go.
Pride, lack of self-awareness, pride, inexperience, arrogance, ignorance, denial, pride, refusal of correction and did I mention pride? I can assure you that these defined me until recently. I can see through everything now and for the first time in a long time, I can barely remember when, I feel human again. I was brought back down to earth and actually had a perspective that I haven’t experience for a while now. I can see for the first time my weaknesses and limitations as a human being. That is, see them for what they are without pride getting in the way. If there ever was a time that I could use the phrase, “humbling experience”, it would be what has happened to me over the last few weeks.
Truly speaking and being honest with myself, I had an attitude that stunk. I thought I knew it all when it came to things bible related. I carried the attitude that I was always right, especially “debating” with people online. And if I didn’t know an answer, I would make it my mission to find out, adding more fuel to the fire filled with pride. I thought that with God on my side, how could anything go wrong? Boy was I wrong. I was one of those people who Jesus was talking about with the plank in one eye. But I didn’t see it that way. I denied it or chose to ignore it completely. Big mistake.
Pride told me that I could achieve anything, humility told me that my strengths and abilities are not limitless.
I sincerely believe now that humility is the start that I should have taken but there’s nothing you can do when people rarely teach about the subject. I don’t blame ignorance, I blame my refusal to let go of pride. Pride kept me in denial, kept me from taking correction (if I did it was in bitterness), pride stopped me from being honest and truthful to myself and the state I was in, it stopped me from being a human with weaknesses and limitations. This hindered me from ultimately letting go and reaching out to accept the helping hand stretched out by God.
Yes I have strengths and abilities but I have a different perspective now on them. Pride told me that I could achieve anything, humility told me that my strengths and abilities are not limitless. At that moment of realising, I could see that I was wrong and everything I did was wrong. I was trying to fight the battles, the battles which I chose too, all the while giving the other battles to God to fight. This heightened my denial of not having pride and the deception that God was in complete control of my life.
I plead with you, coming from a human being who just like you has experienced what its like to struggle in life, let go. Give complete control of your struggles to God. Be humbled that we are mere mortals with weaknesses, limitations and struggles in life and in some cases we can never conquer these mountains. We can never defeat our strongest enemy without God.